The Voice of Reason: President Obama Interviews for Job as CEO of America

HELP WANTED 
President of the United States
Searching for leader with proven experience as a chief executive officer and significant record of accomplishments. Must have experience growing revenue in the private or public sectors and promoting policies that create jobs. Must also have proven experience reaching across party lines in order to pass legislation into law. Needs to have proven experience addressing challenging budgetary issues, turning deficits into surpluses, and making tough budgetary choices. Also needs to inspire, communicate and lead a nation to prosperity.  Job will be available January 2013. Must be able to start work immediately.

An election is nothing more than lengthy job interview, with each candidate communicating his or her experience, record of accomplishments and vision for the future to the ultimate selection committee -- the voters --  in speeches, advertisements, appearances at events and a party convention. 

In the election of 2012, our incumbent President, Barack Obama, is facing a serious challenge from presumptive Republican nominee Mitt Romney because the President has not improved the standard of living for most Americans in his three and one-half years on the jobs.  Members of the selection committee -- voters -- have essentially reopened the job because the President’s performance has not lived up to the expectations of the people who selected him for the job in 2008.

Given the current state of our country, what would an interview entail for President Obama (BO), as he explains his experience and record of accomplishments to the head of our selection Committee, a fictional person named John Q. Public (JP)?   Let’s take a look at how this interview might proceed:

 JP: Thank you for meeting with us today, President Obama.

BO: It’s a pleasure to be here today. I just finished a round of golf and am heading to another fundraiser, so let’s make this quick.

JP:   I know that you're currently serving in this position.  The selection committee has decided to repost the job, but have given you a chance to re-apply.  That's why I'm interviewing you today -- to determine if you should be hired for another four years, or if we should go in another direction. 

BO:  I understand, but I think I've done a very good job.  The private sector is doing very well under my leadership and my economic plan has worked.

JP:  Your plan has worked?  I'll get to that in a few minutes. You'll have the opportunity to tell me about your record, but let's move through the interview questions.  Tell me about your experience as a chief executive officer.

BO: Well, I’ve been President of the United States for three and one-half years now.

JP: Prior to that, did you have CEO experience?

BO: I was a community organizer, state legislator and U.S. Senator.

JP: Had you led anything prior to becoming President, such as a major Senate Committee?

BO: No.

JP: Were you the CEO of a business or even a nonprofit organization?

BO: No.

JP: Have you even led a Cub Scout Troop?

BO: No.

JP: So, you essentially had no leadership experience prior to becoming President?

BO:  In college, I was president of the Harvard Law Review, and I was kind of the leader of a group in high school.   We smoked a lot of. . .but that’s another story.

JP: Well, tell me about your record of accomplishments as President.

BO: I was able to pass healthcare reform legislation and I shot Osama Bin Laden. I’ve also shot well over 100 rounds of golf and have attended more fundraisers than the last four Presidents combined at this point in their first term. As you can see, I’ve worked extremely hard and have accomplished great things.  Other than a couple of Presidents, including Abraham Lincoln, I would put our legislative accomplishments up against any President.

JP:   Let’s take a look at these accomplishments one at a time. Part of the job description is being able to work across party lines in order to pass legislation. How many Republican members of Congress voted for your healthcare plan?

BO: None.

JP: None?

BO: Zero.

JP: So not one member of the opposition party voted to support your landmark legislation?

BO: Not a one.

JP: And isn’t it true that the majority of the American public wants this law repealed?

BO: They just haven’t had time to read it. Even I haven’t had time to read it.  We're just learning what all Nancy Pelosi and the lobbyists put into the law.

JP: You also mentioned that you shot Osama Bin Laden?

BO: I didn’t actually shoot him as in pulling the trigger, but I made the decision to have him killed after obtaining intelligence where he was hiding. I did the tough part, making the decision. I thought about this decision for months. Valerie Jarrett told me that I should hold off, but after a few months of thinking about it, I decided to move forward.  That was a tough decision.

JP: You did the tough part?  Given Bin Laden's atrocities against the U.S., wouldn’t any President have made that decision?

BO: I don’t know. I don’t think that any Republican would have made that decision.

JP: Any President would have made that decision. Even Jimmy Carter would have ordered that raid on Bin Laden’s compound. Let’s talk about your other accomplishments. You’ve played golf and attended fundraisers?

BO: Yes, I’ve worked very hard. Some days I play a round of golf and then attend two fundraisers. It’s arduous work, but I love it.

JP: Have you met with your Jobs Council or Cabinet in the past six months?

BO: There hasn’t been a lot of time for that. I’ve had a lot on my plate with the golf and fundraisers. I think I've met with my Cabinet once, and my Jobs Council?  No so much.

JP: I’m sure you've been very busy.  You mentioned that your legislative accomplishments have been among the most impressive in American history. What other legislative accomplishments have you and your administration achieved?



BO: I can't think of anything right now, but I'll get back to you later if I think of something.


JP:   Let's move on to another topic.  Tell me about your experience growing revenues and adding jobs. 

BO: In my first term, 4.5 million jobs have been created.

JP: But aren’t there fewer Americans working than when you were elected?

BO: Yes, but you have to look at how many jobs we’ve created.   After all, George Bush. . .

JP: President Obama, this interview is about you. You’ve been on the job nearly four years now and have had enough time to show us what you can do.  Hasn't the unemployment rate increased since you took office? 

BO:  Yes, it has, but 4.5 million jobs have been created.

JP:  But how many jobs have been lost and how many new people have entered the workforce?  You do know that America needs to add up to 200,000 jobs a month just to break even, don't you?

BO:  Yes, but we've created 4.5 million jobs.

JP:  I heard that the first time you said it, but that statistic doesn't tell whether we're gaining ground, treading water or losing ground.   If my numbers are correct, we have nearly 500,000 fewer jobs than the day you were inaugurated.  The recent jobs report was also a downer.  Only 96,000 jobs were created and nearly 375,000 people stopped looking for work, but let's move on.  Let’s talk about the budget. Have you been able to balance the budget or at least slow down the growing debt?

BO. No. The debt has increased by 50%.

JP: Fifty percent? Are you kidding? Did I hear you correctly?

BO:  The debt has increased by 50% since I took office.  It's now at $16 trillion.  But we had to spend a lot of money to get the economy going.  That's the job of government.  We would have made more progress on jobs but the shovel ready projects we thought we were paying for weren't quite shovel ready.  After all, government, not entrepreneurs, build businesses.

JP:   What?  I don't believe what I'm hearing. 

BO:  Those business owners, they didn't build those businesses.

JP: So who built them?

BO:  They got a lot of help from the government.

JP:  Let's get back to the stimulus. So, essentially, nearly a trillion dollars in stimulus dollars was wasted?  Is that what you're saying?

BO:  It wasn't all wasted.

JP:  What about the debt?  So you haven't cut the debt even one cent?

BO: Well, George Bush. . .

JP: Again, Mr. President, this interview is about you. Every President faces issues left over from his predecessor when he takes office. You didn’t hear George Bush complain that he had to face the terrorist attacks on 9/11 because Bill Clinton didn’t have Bin Laden killed when he had the chance. But let’s move on. Tell me about your last two budgets.

BO: I really haven’t had one. But it's the responsibility of Congress to. . .

JP: What do you mean you haven’t had one?

BO: Well, Congress never got around to passing mine or one of their own.

JP: Didn’t you propose budgets in 2011 and 2012?

BO: Yes.

JP: Well, what happened? Why didn’t Congress pass your budgets?

BO: The Senate voted them down.

JP: They voted them down in the Senate?  What was the tally of the votes?

BO: 97-0 and 99-0.

JP:   But didn’t your party control the Senate both of those years?

BO: That’s right, but the Republicans. . .

JP: So, you couldn’t get a single vote for your proposed budgets even though your own party controlled the Senate?

BO: That’s right.

JP: Doesn’t that seem to indicate that even your own party won’t follow you? Doesn’t that also show a lack of leadership on your part as a CEO, not pressing Congress to actually do its job? This is basic stuff.   No organization should operate without a budget.

BO: Well, the Republicans. . .

JP: But your party controlled the Senate. So, you’re operating without a budget passed by Congress?

BO: That’s right.

JP: Well, let’s get to the last part of the job. Are you an inspiring person, President Obama?

BO: Yes, I am. MSNBC's Chris Matthews even said that he gets tingles up his leg when I speak.

JP: Chris Matthews is an absolute idiot. I think he just has a bladder problem.  He probably meant he tingles down his own leg.

BO: In 2008 people were fainting when I spoke and I inspired thousands of young people to vote for the first time.  Hope and Change.  Hope and Change.

JP: That’s great, but inspiration is one thing, and slogans are another. Actually getting something accomplished is the role of the President. What is the level of excitement for you now among the American people?

BO: It's kind of waning.  I don't understand. 

JP: Let’s review to make sure I have this information right.  Other than your experience as President, you have zero CEO experience. You made the deficit worse, and you've been unable to get Americans back to work. You've been unable to reach across party lines to get legislation passed, even a budget when your party controlled the Senate. You were able to pass healthcare legislation, but the majority of Americans don't want it. Under your watch, Navy Seals were able to kill Osama Bin Laden, and you’re a great speaker who makes Chris Matthews all tingly.   Does that pretty much sum it up?

BO: I think you’ve covered it. 

JP: President Obama, I have to say that I’m disappointed in your performance.

BO: Well, the Republicans, and George Bush. . .

JP: Mr. President, a true leader inspires and cajoles the other party to move to his side of the fence, or he meets them somewhere in the middle.  You haven't done either.

BO: But I promise I’ll compromise more if I’m just given another chance.  I need more time.

JP: About that other chance. I’m not so sure you will be given another chance.

BO: When will I find out if I’ve got the job again? Michelle is planning a few vacations for us and the kids in 2013.  We're planning to travel to all 57 states, as well as Australia, New Zealand, Russia, China, South Korea, England, Ireland. . .

JP: November 6, Mr. President.   We'll make our decision on that day. That day can’t come fast enough, as far as I’m concerned.  Thanks for interviewing again for the job. But, please, please, don’t call us, we’ll call you.